please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
