areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
