a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
