Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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