is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
please come you make the beer taste better
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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