dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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