i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
