Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
