Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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