perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
