I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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