It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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