She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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