you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
