woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
