You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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