You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
