i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
