i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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