My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
COCAINE IS GR8
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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