11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
