But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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