Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
