Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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