pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
vagina is talking i cant
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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