I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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