It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
