so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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