Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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