I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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