Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
