yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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