Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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