Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
