I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
