Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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