You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize