dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
