YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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