Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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