There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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