There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
