On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
