You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
