I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
