I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
