I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
