How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
