He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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