I just gift wrapped bread.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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